BUCKETS OF BLOOD

Pennsylvania Republican Rep. Curt Weldon says this whole bloody bucket of Iraqi waste might have been avoided if folks had just listened to him before the September 11 attacks. "Sheesh!" Weldon all but said, "I tried to tell 'em. I tried to tell everybody -- even the CIA -- but nobody would listen to me."

That seems strange, especially since Weldon is vice chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee and chairman of the House Armed Services Committee’s Subcommittee on Tactical Air and Land Forces. Of course, Weldon didn't come right out and say that the curve balls Ahmed Chalabi pitched wildly from the WMD bullpen -- intel balls that veered up stovepipes, crashed through Bush administration windows -- were what stampeded the entire mangy gang off to Iraq, but he says they got their geography messed up. Weldon knows this because "Ali," his very own secret intelligence source, told him so. "Ali" told Weldon lots of secrets before the war, and "Ali" was very clear that Iran, not Iraq -- not al Qaeda -- is the Mother of all Evildoers.

But they wouldn't listen. So Weldon decided to take matters into his own hands with his upcoming book -- “Countdown to Terror: The Top-Secret Information That Could Prevent the Next Terrorist Attack on America . . . and How the CIA Has Ignored It and Nobody Would Listen to Me so I was Forced to Write This Damn Book.”

But, wouldn't you know, just when Weldon is poised to reap praise and big bucks for his shocking 256-page revelation, which Regnery Publishing will release June 13, he looks around and the whole rowdy bunch is clambering up on the stage with him -- George Bush, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, Richard Perle and the entire right-wing pundit pack -- all armed with shiny new buckets and all breathlessly warning that Iran, not Iraq, is the nexus of Islamic terrorism after all; that Iran, not Iraq, is bristling with nuclear weapons and plans to attack America before sunset!

By June 13, Weldon and "Ali" will be so, like, yesterday's news. Some days it just don't pay to be a Bush entrepreneur...